


Selling Yourself to the Enemy

by HeylelAndGoldenWings



Category: Kings (TV 2009)
Genre: Crying, Happy Ending, Jack Benjamin Has A Heart, Jack Benjamin needs a hug, Jack is just... sad, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Sad!Jack, Sex, a lot of crying, he thinks he's evil, not detailed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 05:06:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17801573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeylelAndGoldenWings/pseuds/HeylelAndGoldenWings
Summary: Jack thinks about his relationship with David before and after Silas dies.  (Explores their relationship through the months.)





	Selling Yourself to the Enemy

**Author's Note:**

> I just recently binged Kings cuz Seb.... hope you enjoy.

David Shepherd is a good man. 

 

Jack Benjamin, in turn, is not. 

 

The first time that Jack Benjamin thinks any different is also the first night that David saves him. 

 

But that’s just David, of course. No ill-intentions.  _ Too good.  _ Too good for Jack, too good for Rose, too good for Silas. Almost good enough for Michelle, though not quite. Always too good.

 

So yes, the first night that Jack feels like maybe he isn’t the most  _ evil, God-hated  _ man in the world, is also the first night that he is saved.

 

He’s not sure why, but when he sits with David that first day, his heart soars and his eyes gloss with tears, but not the kind that make him feel trapped in his own mind, nor the kind that sting and burn. No, these are the kind that lift his soul and make him feel that, perhaps, he is redeemable in the eyes of God and David. 

 

This feeling vanishes soon enough, and Jack is back to his old schemes. Plotting against his father, plotting against David, hating the world but hating himself most of all. 

 

Which is fine. Because David is a good,  _ good _ man. And Jack… is the worst kind. 

 

After that night, he doesn’t feel like he will ever be good again.  The war haunts him, but never enough. He didn’t feel like he was  _ good  _ during the war, and he doesn’t feel like he’s good now. 

 

Which, perhaps, is why Jack has spent so much time hating David. David is all the things that everyone else  _ isn’t.  _ He’s kind and sweet and he doesn’t even  _ know it.  _ He denies he’s a saint the same way a traitor denies he’s committed treason. Passionate, angry, and ready. 

 

And then David goes and saves him again.  _ Again.  _ But this time Jack doesn’t feel like he’s been saved because he’s good. He feels that, maybe, he’s only been saved to live a terrible life, hidden away without anybody or anything to comfort him.  You must give up what you want to have power, Silas had once told him. He had  _ tried.   _ He had given up Joseph, forcing himself to live with the guilt that  _ he _ was the reason for Joseph’s suicide.  And yet, no power had been gifted to him- only a silver platter of  _ emptiness.   _

 

Funny how God works. Takes away the  _ one person  _ who loved him for him, saw past his playboy facade and tormented, wet eyes, and then goes and rubs it in his face by having The Chosen One save him  _ twice.  _

 

The hate spreads. Spreads so much that it maddens him, makes his heart ache and head throb. He spends his nights leaning over a toilet, sick and broken and wishing- praying, that someday he can be good, too.

  
  


It doesn’t help that his uncle feeds him lies, little ones that tear him up from the inside out, shredding his soul and hopeful mind.  William has no need to make him feel like a better man- on the contrary, he makes him feel worse, but at least it’s something, rather than nothing.  

 

And then… and then it happens.  Jack thinks that the treason should have been the last straw.  He had framed David, went against him, lied and lied and lied, almost got David killed, and all for what?  Because he wanted  _ power?  _ David was never a traitor.  He never  _ could  _ be.

 

So when Jack  _ truly  _ breaks, he does not feel a single good feeling flooding his bones, like he always thought he might.  All he knows is anger and grief. He hisses and spits and  _ screams _ at his father, all the hate for himself leaking out and shifting into hate for Silas.  David was never a traitor, he shouts to the courtroom. It was my father and me. Never David.

 

So why,  _ why  _ is David here now, with open arms and a  _ real  _ grin?

 

Jack sits down beside him with a shaking body.  His mind roars, his heart races, and his eyes fill with tears.  

 

“I think I always knew,” David starts, slowly.  “Who you were. Who you hated. What you planned.”

 

Jack nods, swallowing the bile that is quick to rise in his throat.  “I could never hide from you,” he admits, finally, a little bit of guilt lifting from his shoulders.  “God knows I’ve tried. I’ve lied so many times, David.”

 

“I know,” David agrees, arm reaching out to wrap around Jack.  “I know. But you don’t get it, do you? What you said during the trial.  That was the real you. Admitting yourself to God, and to me, and to everyone.  You knew what it would cost you. You did it, anyway.”

 

Jack shrugs.  David is looking at him, eyes wide, friendly and honest.  “I was never meant to be good,” Jack breathes, relief filling him.  “That was always you.”

 

“Maybe not,” David whispers.  “But God would not have brought you here if it weren’t for a reason.  Oh, Jack, don’t you see? This isn’t about me or them. It’s about  _ you. _  It doesn’t matter if you used to be bad.  This is your chance to learn how to be good.”

 

“I’m the reason he’s dead,” Jack whispers, hand darting out to grab ahold of David’s, searching for some sort of stability.  “Joseph died because I was too afraid to admit myself to the world, David. I loved him. He loved me.”

 

“I’m sorry,” David starts.

 

“When I told Rose, she slapped me.  And then she hugged me tighter than ever… and… and said it was a mistake of character.  And in the… in the courtroom. When Silas called me a- a f.. Fa-”

 

“You don’t have to say it,” he interrupts, voice soft.  “Jack, I’m sorry. I am  _ so  _ sorry, for every last ounce of grief your family has caused.  Forget about them. Please.”

 

“I hated you,” Jack continues.  “I wanted my father- I wanted Silas to love me.  But he didn’t. He only loved you, until you broke his trust, and then he hated you and turned to me.  At first, it was nice. I always,  _ always  _ wanted to be heir, David.  It was a dream come true, to have my father’s approval. “

 

“But it wasn’t really what you wanted,” David finishes for him.  

 

Jack nods, tempted to lean against David and soak up all the kindness that David is offering him, but too scared that it’s all fake to act upon the urge.   “Michelle must miss you. You’re going to have to find her.”

 

“Then what’s to become of you?”  

 

“I don’t know.”  Jack pulls his hand away from David’s.  “I’ll figure it out, eventually. Maybe find some boys and make up for all the lost time.”  It’s a joke, but David doesn’t look happy. 

 

“Come with me,” David offers.  “Please.”

 

David Sheperd is a good man.

 

Jack Benjamin hopes, someday, he can be, too.  

  
  


***

 

The hotel room is dark and quaint. Small, but not unwelcoming. David brings Jack’s face up into a kiss, filled with what he can only guess is love and adoration. 

 

It can’t last forever, but Jack finds himself missing it, all the same, when it’s over. David lays beside him, still giving him lingering kisses on his neck and cheek, eyes soft. 

 

“You’re beautiful,” David mumbles. “Truly.”

 

“You’re only saying that because I’m like my sister,” Jack teases. “Silly boy. Always falls for the wrong people.”

 

David frowns. “I don’t think you’re the wrong person.”  He reaches, intertwining their fingers, squeezing. 

 

“Maybe.”  

 

“Tell me,” David asks, changing the subject, “How you got out alive.  I thought for sure your father would have you killed.” 

 

“It wasn’t so hard,” Jack admits.  “He locked me up with Lucinda to produce an heir. I don’t want to talk about  _ how  _ I got out. But I did.  I did what I had to do.”

 

David nods, can only guess, and then gently grabs Jack’s face for another kiss. “In the eyes of God, Michelle and I are married,” he speaks as he pulls away. 

 

“Then why… why are you doing this?” It takes him a moment to realize what David means, but when he does, Jack freezes. David had said he could be good, that he could learn to stop committing sins. He wants God’s  _ forgiveness.   _ How can sleeping with his sister’s husband earn any of that?

 

“Michelle… loves me. And I loved her. I always will, maybe.  But she was not good.”

 

“She was better than me,” Jack growls, voice dripping with scorn. 

 

“In some ways, yes. In others, no. She has a hard time deciding what she wants. Me or family.  You seem to know what you want.”

 

“I used to. Not so much anymore.”

 

David just smiles at that, hugging Jack close to him and scraping his teeth against Jack’s ear. “That’s okay, Jack. We’ll figure this out. You and I.”  

 

Jack lets out a tiny sob. “I’m sorry.  I’m sorry.”

 

David shakes his head, and whispers soothing words to him.  They fall asleep like that, pressed against each other, the light of God shining above them. 

 

***

 

Jack clutches the knife in his hand, grip looser than he likes and fingers quivering.  He doesn’t  _ really  _ want to kill his father, and yet David is here beside him, willing him on.

 

He drops the knife.

 

“I can’t.” His voice is barely even a whisper.  

 

David grins, like he expected this might happen, and raises his hand, gun gripped firm.  He doesn’t hesitate to pull the trigger. 

 

And just like that, Jack’s father falls to the ground, dead. After all this time, trying  _ so hard _ to become king, Jack almost feels… sad. Sad that his father is dead. Soon, the people will welcome their new king- David Shepherd. The rightful king. 

 

Jack sinks to the ground and cries, lets out all the emotions he’s kept in since David came to Shiloh. 

 

David holds him as he does, petting his hair and kissing his forehead. Nobody seems to notice, and if they do, no news of it is leaked to the press. Thank God. 

 

***

  
  
  


Jack weeps when David finally fucks into him, each tear an omen of Jack’s pure and raw love for the Chosen King.  

 

David holds him close, doesn’t say a word, but his eyes give away plenty.  Jack chokes on his own breath, trying to say what he’s wanted to say all this time.

 

Finally,  _ finally _ , when he lets go, reaching his climax, body blissed out and weak, the words slip past his lips.  “I love you.”

 

“I love you, too.”  The way David says it is slow, yet sure, as if he, too, has been waiting to speak the three forbidden words.  “Forever,” he promises.   
  


“Forever,” Jack agrees, and allows David to wipe away the wet stains on his cheeks, and with them, the fear he has felt for so long obliterates as well.  

 

***

 

Things are different now that Silas is dead.  Jack still feels the lingering suspicions, but now less than ever does he feel the constant urge to watch his back.  His mother is gone, his father is dead, and David is there beside him, almost constantly. 

  
  


On the good days, when there’s almost nothing to be done, they’ll walk the halls, holding hands and soaking up all the love that they missed while Silas was alive. 

 

On the really bad days, Jack stays in bed, covers pulled above his head and tears slipping past his eyes.  David doesn’t bother him until the night, and even then, all he does is kiss him again and again until Jack his smiling once more.

 

It’s nice.  What they have.  Jack wonders if it’ll last.  

 

***

 

Nobody likes him leaving without permission.  They always claim it’s because something bad could happen to him without proper protection, but Jack knows otherwise.  They aren’t worried about  _ him _ , they’re worried about  _ them _ .  They don’t quite trust him yet.  Which is fine, really. Just…

 

Jack leans over from where he’s sat, picking at a small flower that made its way out of the burnt dirt. He’s deep in the forest- he had driven out on a whim, wanting to get as far away from Castle Life as he could. 

 

Sunlight streams through the leaves, reflecting pretty speckled dots all over the dead ground. Around him, plants grow here and there, still wet with morning dew that hasn’t quite disappeared. He wonders if David’s noticed he’s missing yet.  If so, he’ll be in for a fight when he gets back. 

 

He stands, figuring he’s been out here for an hour at the least.  Enough time for him to clear his thoughts and calm down, but not enough for him to really be able to enjoy the true wonders of the outside world.  He brushes the dirt off his shirt, then turns to a path he frequents, beginning the hike. 

 

Some time later, Jack stumbles out of the forest, sufficiently drenched in sweat and just as tired.  He has a few scrapes from branches, but otherwise he’s no worse for wear. The sun is high in the sky and it’s hot as balls.  Regardless of this fact, Jack is happy that he’s here. He saunters to his car, prying open the door.

 

Time to have a word with David.  He wonders how much trouble he’ll be in for wandering off without permission.

 

***

 

It’s no surprise, but it hits him hard anyway.  As soon as he opens the door, David is in his face, angry and frustrated and… worried?   Jack flinches, then holds his own, hands clenched and eyes narrow. 

 

“You could have been…  _ kidnapped,”  _ David heaves out, breath hoarse.

 

“I’m not five!”  He means it as a joke, but it comes out harsher than intended, and he can’t help but reach a fretful hand out when David winces.  Fine. “Just because you don’t trust me doesn’t mean you have to be so fucking obvious about it. It’s been  _ months.   _ How am I ever supposed to prove that I’m loyal if you never give me a single chance!”   _ Now  _ he sounds like a five year old.  

 

“That’s not what this is about, and you know it,” David hisses in response, stepping forward and grabbing Jack’s hand.  

  
“It  _ is _ ,” Jack almost yells, but all the earlier heat has left his voice and now he just sounds weak.  David shakes his head, yanking Jack into a tight hug.

 

“It isn’t,” David insists.  “I trust you. I do.”

 

Jack frowns, but can’t find it in himself to argue. “Prove it,” he finally says.

 

And so David does.  

  
  
  



End file.
